Happy Halloween!!

Hah! Me and my best friend came to a conclusion. Love is full of B.S. Honestly...it is.

Think about it this way. Is there such thing as true love? NO...it's all a lie. A conspiracy made by the movie and music industry to create hopeless romantic like us to spend money. BlEaHhHhHhhhHh.....

Come on...one day all of us are going to wake up and then realize that Nothing...and I mean...Nothing lasts forever.

Being in love, having a crush on someone. It'll all evaporate one day. The only love that is substantial is the love for family and friends. That is why...I treat all my friends with love. I care for them and I'll always be there for them.

I give up. Yeah...until someone can actually prove to me that True love exists. Then....I will swallow my words and take it back. For now...I'm a true skeptic.

I hate to be such a pessimist but my best friend and I actually did realize a few things as we sipped our tea in starbucks for at least 4 hours just mindlessly chatting.

I don't want to be bias and say all guys...but MOST guys are really jerks. They're all really nice on the outside. Sweet, caring, funny, smart...and the list goes on. But inside that little minds of theirs, lies this really screwed up, evil self which has their own cruel intentions.

If a guy were to like a girl...what really does he like her for? Her beauty? That's shallow. Her personality? Isn't that boring? How about I just go out and put it on the table. They probably am thinking about getting her into bed or probably just using her.

I'm not saying this based on nothing. It's proven!!! I've seen it done. Done to my friends and UgHhHhH...it's pissing me off!!!

First off all, girls have feelings too. Of course when guys tend to use them, they do get hurt. But I highly believe in Retribution. Yes. He will be on the hurting end one day.

Gosh...I'm so angry!!!I hate it when someone hurt my friends. Be it a guy or girl. But from what I've seen, it's always the girl who gets hurt or played. Never the guys. My guy friends...well, if they want to play with a girl or even hurt a girl. I don't really care because it's basically none of my business and its their life. So whatever things they do out there, I will never judge them. But I'll always just tell them to think before they do something. Especially when there's another human being feelings involved.

That's why I'm staying away from GUYS...they are nothing but trouble. BIG TROUBLE!!! I've given up on wanting to find someone I can care for and stuff. Why? Because I can give extra care to a friend without even expecting anything back. This is because solid friendship is more substantial.

Imagine having a boyfriend. Once you break up...there he goes, out of your life. Isn't it better if he was a friend? Then he'll always remain in your life.

Sure, sometimes it'll get lonely. You will yearn for someone to hold you or to hold, to be with you, to care for you and stuff like that. But trust me. You can get all this from a friend.

If i had the ability to actually make the culprit feel the same way the other party feels. MaNnNn...I'm so sure that the world will be a better place to be in.

Do I have a crush on someone right now? Am I in love with anyone right now? Even if I am. I give up. It's all out the window. I'm going to put all the love and attention on myself and my friends. They deserve it more than just one measely guy.

I sound like an angry spinster. I do not particularly care. If you saw the tears one guy can make a girl cry and the situation he put her in. You will probably want to hang him by his b***z on a lampost.

I will never allow myself to get hurt anymore. I made that decision a long time ago. You learn from the past.

Dang...this is a freaking man dominating world. Why is it that when men cheat on their other half, it's alright? But when a woman do that, she's called a slut and will be shunned by the society? Same goes with playboys....the more they score in bed, the more heroic he's seen among his peers. A girl do that...HAH....don't even mention it. How about the fact that in some religion, a man can have multiple wives? How about woman? Why can't they have multiple husbands as well? GEEZE....

Honestly, why on earth can't someone be more humane? Really...why can't we humans stop hurting each other?

I never believed in heaven or hell. Why? Because what we're living in is already hell itself. Happy Halloween peeps!

Boiling Rage and Stressed Out

It's official. Uncle Lim is out there to kill all his students!!! Money-sucking-frog-face-ugly-hair Idiot!!!

It's all his fault that all of us in the Degree semester are dying. You want to differentiate us from the other students? Easy. Eye bags, Messy hair, Pasty complexion and unironed clothes. Of course, not forgetting the tired looking face and scuffling of feet because we're unable to walk properly.

WHY? Because he started our semester 2 freaking weeks later than it was suppose to, cutting down our weeks to only 14 instead of 16 like we're supposed to. Thus resulting in assignments rush!!!

I've 3 presentations, 3 research papers due in one FREAKING WEEK!!!! This can only send me swearing and cursing at the hair-implants money sucker who is so inconsiderate to any of his students except for sucking their parents money dry.

This is not education!! This is pure TORTURE!!!!

When this happens, it results us to falling sick. Can you imagine? I've been sick for more than a week! Fever, Sore throat, Gastric, Flu, allergy attacks....nose bleed....what else? Food poisoning...and more fever. I thought I was weak. But I found out that most of my friends are sick as well. This is the result of insufficient sleep and stressful nights.

Our nightly routine consists of only less than 4 hours of sleep. Sometimes, I even forget to eat my lunch and dinner. Right now, my nose is as huge as Bozo the Clown's and as red as Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. BLARDY HELL!!!

I really can't take this anymore. There are times when I just want to throw all the stupid assignments in a fire and watch in glee as it burn up in flames. Burn dreaded papers..BURN!!!

And when you're stressed out, sick and have not enough sleep, it just leads to grumpiness and your patience limit shortens about 70%.

I don't bitch...in person. Really. I don't. BUT...this is my blog and I'm allowed to freaking type whatever I want right?!?

There's this woman in denial. No names should be mention. I can be sued for Defamation you know.

Anyway, this woman...she's a good friend. Really. But HONESTLY! There are times when I CAN'T FREAKING STAND HER!!!

I wish I was brave enough to freaking tell her in the face that she's not all she think she is.

Can you stand someone who wants to be praised all the time? And if let's say the 2 of us went out and someone sorts of give me a compliment. She'll expect something as well. EXAMPLE:

Friend 1: Hey, Amy...you look naturally pink today...nice nice.
Me : Really??? Thanks.
Woman in denial: Alot of people say I'm naturally pink too. Even when I'm not wearing a blusher.

BLEAH!! Get the idea? It doesn't only happen one time. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!!!

Also, she thinks she freaking RIGHT all the time!!! Of course she feels great when everyone dotes on her and looks up to her. COME ON!!! The advices she gives....can be given by a 3 year old!

There's not a humble bone in her body. Whenever we have a conversation. Somehow or another, she'll talk about herself or relate everything to her. Why does everything have to revolve around her?

I hate to be so brutally honest. But she ain't that pretty. She doesn't even look mix like she claims to be. She just look....plain. That's it. Maybe she needs to get a new mirror. Not the cheap one that distorts your face. If not, i'll just give her mine. Free of charge. Mine is great coz it sorts of points out that there are pimples on my face and fat in my body. Maybe her's doesn't.

If she just takes a few second to sit down and self-reflect. She'll realize why she doesn't have many friends in reality and how no guys dare ask her out (fear of listening her brag). In some ways, i really pity her...but in some...I JUST DON'T CARE.

I'm usually a very patient person. But i really can't take her for awhile. Maybe i'll just block her out. I'm too bz to entertain all her self-praising anyway. Sigh....people.....

A Whirlwind Hurricane of thoughts

Given the chance, I would just throw everything away and freaking hop on the next flight to God-knows-where for a freaking holiday. I'm so tired! Assignments, presentation, classes...are all bogging me down. I'm so convinced that the University is out there to kill all final year students. Hang them by the throat and then watch in glee as we drop like flies one by one.

Every single day! Every single week!!!! ASSIGNMENTS DUE...PRESENTATION DUE!!! Trust me...I'm going mad!!!

The worst thing is. Even when we fall sick, we have to haul our asses to class and hand in our work just in case they'll mark us down.

I'm having the worst case of food poisoning. Yeah yeah yeah...my fault for being a little too lazy to cook and instead grab the two dumplings in the fridge which was there for the past 2 weeks (which i didn't know) and ate it. What did it result in? This...a worn down, feverish, pukish and sickly Amy.

Honestly, its amazing what I do to myself. Bumping my head on the computer table, hitting my knee on the bed, cutting my finger accidently. I love myself to much. Now, to top it off, I'm poisoning myself.

I guess I need someone to love me before I torture myself. HhAHHAhaH...darn...has anyone been any more klutzy and blur as I am?

I really need to take a vacation. A long one. Where nobody can find me or nobody knows me. Maybe Timbuktoo isn't such a bad idea eh? I'm so sick of K.L. Don't get me wrong, I'm not full of hatred or despise for my country. It's just that I want a new breathe of fresh air. I want to experience something new. I want to meet different people. I want to do different things. I want to see different things.

Maybe I need some excitment in my boring and redundant life. I need surprises...I need someone who just randomly picks me up and drag me to a brand new, undiscovered place.

People say I'm a confused soul. I don't really know what I want....it's true. I'm lost. I guess I need someone to help me find back my path. I'm lost with what I really want to do and I'm lost with my choices of guys. Arghh...I think too much sometimes....maybe it's best to dump me in a forest and let me be with all the baboons.

I remembered, someone asked me this question. "Are you really, truly happy in life?" Am I? I mean....i don't have any complaints. I'm contented with what i have. But am I really happy? What is happiness anyway?

But hey...I'm the kind of person who doesn't think for myself and instead more for the people around me. If they're happy...so am I.

Then, he proceeded to ask me this question. "Who is the real Amelia? Who is she?" I looked in the mirror and I can't seem to reply. Who am I really?

I need help.......or maybe I need to find myself agian........find that lost soul in the city so big.....

How do you know if you're right or wrong?

Once agian, let me repeat this. Human beings are actually too smart for their own good. Because each of us are different and unique in our own ways, there are bound to be clashes of thoughts and ideas.

When this happens, how would you know if your decision or what you're fighting for is actually right or wrong? Just like, how do you know if America's decision to bomb Iraq is right?

How would you know, if the guy you're in love with is right or wrong for you? How would you know if the guy sitting opposite you is actually your fated one?

Life is full of questions...and I especially hate the 'what if' questions. What if I've done that? What if I've choosen that? There'll be no 'what ifs' if we just seize the day and go for it right?

I don't ever wish to regret about something major in life. Take for example. I don't ever want to wake up one day thinking, 'What if I've done this differently? Would my life be different?' Heck....the choice is in my hands. To choose the path I would walk on...if it leads to a dead end, great! At least I've tried and tested it. No sleepless nights of 'What ifs'.

Same goes with relationships. Its a major risk to take don't you think? I mean, nothing is guaranteed in life. There's definately no guarantee in love as well. People fall in love fast and then fall out of love faster too....

But then....choosing the right guy or girl is the most difficult task of all right? First off, you need enough chemistry to supply enough electricity to the entire city. Secondly, you need to have the same interest and at least be able to talk to each other for hours without feeling bored or going short on topic.

However, if we were to scruntinize and pick on every single thing in a girl or guy, just wait till you're 80 to get into a relationship.....by then, you'll be done evaluating all the eligible guys in the country.

Maybe that's why we have flirts, playa's and sluts. In some ways, I don't blame them for being that way. They probably have their own reasons for playing with other people's feelings. But of course, I don't condone it. It's very wrong to hurt someone of the opposite sex or lead them on. Although your own feelings is not involved, someone else's is...and sometimes, I don't know how people can sleep easy at night knowing that they've hurt someone deeply out there.

I don't think I can ever be fake...what you see is what you get. I'm a simple person who treats everyone around me sincerely and honestly. If I like you, then you'll know it...but if i don't...i'll just avoid you like the plaque....

Am I a nice person? Am i always doing the right thing or not? I wouldn't know? Up till now? I think I've been a moderate, decent human being......I think...But I might be wrong....You be the judge of it

Spinning Room and Watery Nose.

It's a wonder how I managed to make myself fall sick after a long time. Yes, the dreaded flu hit me when I wasn't expecting it.

I hate it. My eyes becomes red and puffy, I start having a sneezing fit and the whole room starts spinning because of the slight fever that has fallen upon me. THIS SUCKS!!!

The worst part is, my nose feels as if someone had turned on an inmaginary tap and forgot to turn it off. I guarantee that by tomorrow, my nose will swell twice its size and starts to peel (Moisturizer to the rescue!!!).

I guess it's true then. Lack of sleep and a good rest really makes your body immune system go haywire. But hey...that's why clarinaze is good. I popped two pills and fell asleep watching 'Malaysian Idol' (yes yes yes...finals okay!).

You know how it feels when you're so tired that your body just shuts down and you feel as if you're falling into this black hole so deep that it actually hurts your head? That's how I felt. Okay, my head didn't hurt that badly. But it felt so heavy that it was impossible to move and I felt immobilize.

Anyway, sufficient water and sleep has gotten me up and going agian. Yup. It's 2:12 am right now as I sit in front of my laptop, typing this incoherant words onto my blog.

Somewhere and somehow through my deep sleep, I managed to pick up a phone call by my long lost friend, Leonard. I think I mummbled something and went back to sleep before I actually said goodbye. Sorry Leo!!!! Make it up to you next time.

Why am I blogging about my running nose? Don't ask me why. I've not a single clue to it. I'm bored....so shoot me. *BleAh*

Oh goodness me....I just realized the amount of tissue I've used....SOrry trees!!! I promise I'll plant a few more to make it up to the decreasing greenary in our world which is causing us to experience global warming.

My mind is everywhere right now. That's why I feel the need to blog. I need to get it all out (right Krist?). Cluttered mind = sleepless nights.

Anyway, thanks Krist, for talking to me as I drove back. You made me realize some stuff. I've thought about it and I finally came to a decision to not think about it. Get what I mean? ehehhe.....

Fluctuating emotions is not a very good sign I suppose. PMS? Who knows? Maybe...because the fact that I've been getting quite prissy and irritated by people is definately not because of the weather.

This is terrible. It's Friday night and I'm sitting at home, with a swollen nose and a slight fever with only my teddy as my companion. Sigh...this is sad...why is it when you need someone to be next to you, there isn't anyone at all?

ArgHHh...forget it....I get really 'babyish' when I'm sick. So What? I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a big baby who sometimes needs big huggies!!! *pHbBtTtPP*

You know, I really think the flu is clogging up my brains. I'm thinking silly and probably am acting a little silly. Yes yes...blame it on the flu. But somehow in the depth of my sleep, I managed to dream. What did I dream? I can't remember...it's a fuzzy memory to me now. But I do know it's something really weird....something to do with matchbox cars?! *sCrAtcHEs HeAd*

Oh Gawd...I'm loosing it!!!Someone....anyone...Save me!!!! Please???

Juvenile Ways

Friday was officially a day where Oscar, Zairyn was whirled into the vortex, bringing us back to our high school days.

Let's see....Oscar seemed to be extremely high on that day, nick-naming Lily, Alien. He has never met her before!!! First time as well...and why he called her Alien? Because she never heard of 'Puzzle Bubble'...yes...yes....*shakes head*

Okay, enough about that. Let's get down to the real scoop of my topic today. In Media Law Class, we were feeling extremely bored. And of course, we were kind of afraid of Justin Victor who is a real bastard by the way. The worst thing is, we can't rebutt anything or get on his wrong side because he is one hell of a smart Indian Bastard.....yup....I hate him....he's annoying....

Anyway, we decided to be good kids and sit in the class just listening to Rajini (new lecturer who replaced Hakimah who we got fired btw) lecturer. Honestly, there's a limit to hand actions, head actions and 'yeh?' i can take! Gosh...I was watching an Hindi movie in action alright.....

Let's not start getting racists or bias here. Sensitive subject. *BleAh*. So, Justin Victor said he had to leave class to attend another class and called Rajini out, saying he wanted to speak to him for a second. I turned to Oscar and asked, "You want to make like a banana and split?"

He said, "Can we? What if Justin comes back? And is our attendance taken?"

Zairyn said, "Yeah, i saw him tick our attendance already."

So the three of us, looked at each other, gathered our bags and books and ran out of the class like the wind!

Since we had to see another lecturer about our internship, we stopped by the office first only to find out she wasn't there and wasn't going to be back till 5:45 pm. It was only 3:30 pm then.

We walked back towards the other campus, and decided to use the corridoor leading to where my car was park.

Guess what? I saw Justin in the other end of the corridoor and straight went "SHIT!" turned around and tried to walk casually away.

I think at that time, Oscar and Zairyn turned around at the same time and the minute we were out of sight, Oscar made a mad dash to the other side and Zairyn and I were still walking casually. It wasn't until she said, "AMELIA, RUN!! HE CAN SEE US!!!" only did it register and we dashed down the steps.

We met Oscar near the stairs to the carpark and we just burst out laughing! I mean, we haven't done this ever since high school when we were escaping from the discipline teacher. Never in our lives we thought we would be running away from a lecturer in UNIVERSITY!!!

Oscar pointed out that my reaction was so quick!It was like, "Shit...turn around...walk...run!" Yeah....I got my practice back in high school when my friends and I roamed the school and walk in late for class. I'll be on the look out for teachers as they're abit blur. I'm good at spotting them...eheheh...

Gosh...we laughed till we cried. Well, it was funny when you're in that situation. It was obvious Justin saw us! Oh man...i can't wait till next Monday when he sees us. We are so going to get our heads chopped!!!

Anyway, Bonita suggested I do the evil test...and TA-DA! here's my result!:

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's" Inferno Hell Test

Gosh....me? Evil? Impossible right?!?! *HeHEheHEHeh...*

Fairytales&Childhood

Fairytales...yes....we grew up reading them, listening to them and also watching them. Come on, who doesn't want to be the beautiful heroine who rides off in the sunset with her prince charming and live happily ever after?

My childhood days was filled with all these fairytales...(no wonder I'm such a hopeless romantic). I recalled sitting in front of the TV with a bowl of ice cream, watching Disney cartoons. I loved Disney! Imagine a 5 year old crying while watching 'Dumbo'...yes...I simply adored that darling elephant with its big ears. I can even remembered how I bawlled my eyes out when Dumbo went to see his mother....*blardy hell...they shouldn't do this to kids!!!*

But I honestly missed all the cartoons in my days (sound like an old fart). Why don't they make cartoons like they used too?!?! For example, Thundercats...now...please someone tell me...WHO DOESN'T LOVE THUNDERCATS? Gosh...I even had that sword and I ran around prancing with a cape and swinging my sword screaming "THunder...thunder...thunder CATS!!!"

Yup...my dad regretted getting me that sword...eheheh...oh...and how I loved Carebears, My little pony, strawberry shortcake, rainbow starr....gosh...and many many more!!!

Geeze....I really wished I was a kid agian...okie...I'm still a kid at heart, acting like I'm browsing through the shelves in Toy's R us for a kid but actually I'm playing with the toys and gadgets for myself.

I even saw that Carebear stuff toy which I'm so going to get one day!!! It even sings and talks! So adorable!!!

OH oH oHhHh...HOW CAN I FORGET SMURFS?!?! okie...have you guys ever wondered that....why is it that there's only one female smurf? How do they multiply? I mean....okei okie....I better stop here....shall not go futher with the multiplying and stuff...ehheeh

Why the sudden trip down memory lane? Because today I was cleaning up the guest room and I found all my toys....also...a whole box of my old Barbie dolls! I forgot all about them...so I abandoned cleaning up the room and loose myself in Barbie land...Gosh...barbie can still fit into her dresses!!! And I forgot all about the ice maker, the bathtub that makes bubbles....the hospital...the refridgerator...OhHh MaNnN!!! I WANT TO BE A KID AGIAN!!!

I had such a happy and wild childhood....I think I actually went through phases...the tomboy, daredevil phase and then back to girlie Barbie dolly phase....Weird huh?

Just like my childhood buddy who finally bumped into me after god-knows how long actually said that he's glad that I actually turned out feminine...he thought I would grow up being a tomboy.....

Oh yeah, and my mom will never let me forget when Alicia and I were 4 and we were playing in my house when I decided to be a hairstylist and chopped off her hair...

The weird thing is, Alicia and I don't remember a single thing but boy...when they visit us from Melbourne each year, its a must for our parents to bring that up, embarass me and just crack up like nutcrackers!!!

Sigh...being a grown up is no fun...I really miss the carefree days where I was let loose around the neighbour hood....having my friends over to play in my house...

It's amazing that when we grow up, we grow apart....and today...the guys i used to play with can't look at me in the eye anymore....I wonder why? Must be because I saw them in their worst state and bowl haircuts before...ahhahahahaha....

Okie...it's like 2:45 in the morning now, and I haven't got a proper nights sleep in days. I shall now head of to my own little fairytale land. I love dreaming you know....coz in dreams...you own everything...For example, i can dream of Koyama, Keita, Jin, Nino, Morita, Miyake....and they'll belong to me....ahhahahaha....Geeze....this is what happens when there's lack of sleep...I start bouncing off the walls!!!