You found me...(part 2)

You found me...(part 2)

Somewhere along the way...I started to lose myself. I became scared because I couldn't bring myself to develop feelings for any guys I went out with. I even thought to myself "Is there something wrong with me? Have I forgotten how to love someone? Will I ever even feel that ever agian?"

I honestly begin to believe that I was going to turn heartless and cold. Feeling nothing but numbness.

I kept on telling myself that I'm happy with where I am right now. I've great friends supporting me and I didn't need anyone. Even more a guy.

I mean...who needs to be in a relationship only to get hurt? It's like asking for it isn't it? Asking to get hurt. To feel all those negative feelings such as jealousy and insecurities.

Why choose to go down that particular road when you can choose the easy way out?

But...when you came into my life...I started to feel differently. Of course I was scared and without a doubt I still am.

I think its more because I started to doubt my concept about 'relationships' and 'love' after believing in it for such a long time.

Then you started to ask me out and we spent almost every weekend together. I enjoyed your company because you made me comfortable with you. I could talk to you and I knew you wouldn't judge me.

The more we went out, the more I wanted to be with you.

I began to miss you when I don't see you and you invaded my mind almost 24/7. Like a sneaky little thief...you begin to sneak into my heart and eventually stole it.

As I've always told you. You're different from the other guys. But in a good way.

Maybe that's why you scare me so much. Because I feel like this is a dream...and what if I wake up and have to face reality that you're not here with me.

I guess...I've alot of issues to sort out...especially if I'm begining to believe agian.

You told me that you don't expect me to trust you just yet and that you'll gain it. But you need me to try to believe in you.

I can't promise you that it's going to be easy. I can't promise you that I will even succeed in doing so. But I will promise you that I will try.

-end of part2...part 3 coming up-

I found you...(part 1)

I found you...(Part 1)

I don't know when I created this wall around my heart. Managing to block many people out. Protecting myself from getting hurt. Becoming very skeptical about guys and relationship.

I used to only believe that falling for someone and being in relationships is all about getting hurt. After all...my relationship mantra is "Nothing lasts forever".

I believed that marriages will eventually end in divorces. Men will always somehow cheat on woman or vice versa. They will love each other in the begining but only end up totally hating each other guts the next.
I stopped believing in happy endings.

But...all that is begining to change. Little by little, I've started to let the wall crumble in a pile of rocks around me. I started to believe agian.
It's amazing how things started. How we met. Let's look at it this way. Even though I hated working in my first agency, if I never accepted that job offer, I wouldn't have met you.

I wasn't even supposed to be working on the Tourism Account! I got dragged into the meeting at the very last minute. My Account Director said to me "Come, sit in for the meeting with Carat".

I got introduced to you...then blanked out. Sorry to say...but the meeting was really boring!!!

The second time I saw you, I thought to myself..."Who on earth is this guy? What's he doing here? Why is he delivering all these magazines!!!!"
Then you told me you were the 'delivery boy' for Carat and I kind off recalled who you were.

How long did it take me to remember your name? I guess I only remembered when I was cc-ed in all the emails and saw your name in the list.

Well...we never did get to work together did we? I left after a few weeks of our meeting. I did the usual and send out a mass email to everyone whom I worked with to tell them to follow up with the respective people.
You were the only one who replied. I was totally surprised when you asked for my msn add.

I guess that's when our 'friendship' actually begun. We started talking and I really did enjoyed our conversations.

Then we sort off stopped talking. You claim that's because I was busy at Grey. HmPh...okay...I've to admit it was half true. But I always belive in fate and timing.

At that time I guess both of us were going through some 'turbulence' in our lives. I had alot of things I needed to sort out and you had yours.
I've to hand it to you though, you have perfect timing. The first time you asked me out, was when I managed to make a decision on something and clear up some mess.

Without a doubt, I enjoyed our first date. I honestly thought it was going to be awkward. But hey....surprise surprise...I was absolutely comfortable with you.

I never expected you and I will become an 'us'. But you know what? I'm glad that out of all the many guys in the world...I manage to find you....

-end of part 1...part 2 coming up soon!-