Mother Nature's Wonder

First, I would like to wish all my friends a Merry Christmas. I know...I know...it's 2 days late but I've been really busy!!!To those I didn't manage to leave a message. Hope you guys understand!!!

I'm hardly at home for the past 2 weeks. Only back to sleep and rest. Coming home early in the morning and sleeping in on the weekends seem to be my daily routine now. Everday after work, I'm only home for an hour and ZoOOOM...I'm off agian! Amazing where I manage to find my energy for all of my after-work activities.

Christmas eve was great! Oscar, Leonart and Christ really made a great feast. A feast enough for a whole army but with only 9 of us eating...well...imagine all the left-overs! Of course, I grabbed the cake home. Christ wanted to throw it away! What a waste!! Rum and Raisins even. Geezee...DELICIOUS!!!

I had a lot of fun hanging out with Edwin, Leon, Calvin and Oscar and we played Taboo till 5 in the morning. Edwin, Calvin and I won of course!! hahahaha....*thanks Oscar for the great night!!!I really felt the Christmas Spirit all over agian*

The other day, I experienced another one of Mother Nature's magic. I saw this really big rainbow. It's not that I haven't seen a rainbow before, but this was really huge! I felt it was so close I could just reach out to touch it. It really was beautiful seeing a rainbow agian after so long. I don't know...this might sound weird, but when I saw it, I felt hope agian. As if nothing is impossible anymore.

But mother nature showed one of her ugly side a few days ago, claiming more than 10,000 lives with the huge earthquake in Indonesia. 8.9 on the richter scale. That's big! Imagine, we in Malaysia felt it as well. Today I flipped open the newspapers and all I see is disaster and death staring back at me. Imagine those who lost their loved ones, those who had to watch helplessly as their family and friends get swept away from the currents. Children loosing their lives, people loosing their homes. Mother Nature got her revenge. We, humans have been destroying earth and now it's time for us to payback for what we took.

But...I somehow wished that these natural disasters happened to places which actually deserves to be wiped out. Why hit all the poor and developing countries and take the lives of innocent people? Why not just wipe out the whole of Iraq so that it solves all the suffering and pain and war for the people there.

Sigh...that's really sad to come back from Christmas and read tragedies like these.I'm honestly quite worried for a few of my friends who are currently in Thailand and Indonesia. Been trying to contact them. All I can do now is pray and hope that they're alright.

Okay...let's move on to something more positive and happier. Lately, I've made some new friends. Friends that I've really bonded with and begin to love. Isn't it amazing how you just meet someone and instantly bond with them and feel as if you've known them for years? There are some people whom you've known for years and never get to feel the closness with at all. I'm thankful that these people have come into my life. I'm also thankful that they're here to teach me things I never knew.

I know for a fact that as long as we live, we're going to meet great people and also people who we can't stand. But they're in our lives for a reason. To teach us something, to make us realize something. That's why I never regret knowing someone or being with someone. I choose the path I walk, I choose the people I mix with.

Usually, I'm the kind who treat all people with all kidness. As I said before, whatever I do, I do it sincerely and from the heart, despite how terrible the person is to me. But I guess, there are times when I'm being to nice and get stepped all over. Am I angry? I was, but now...I just don't care. Karma happens...what goes around, comes around.

Like the other day, my friend from Aussie came back and we went out for a drink. Since it was only both of us, we decided to call out our mutual guy friend. As we sat there, the both of us realized that this guy never change. He's stuck in this time warp and never grow up. We moved on, he stayed behind, acting childishly and thinking that it's no fun being mature.

She said to me as we left, "I'm never going to call him out agian." This is coming from a girl who used to live a wild life. Who was someone who did a lot of shit. But she grew. She realized things and I'm so glad she did because she used to make me worry about her. Now I know she can very well take care of herself.

I guess we can't expect everyone to like us, or to like everyone. But I know one thing, my tolerance level has been raised. I guess I can now tolerate people who are snobbish, brags alot and just plain stupid. Because I find it hilarious to see them acting that way. We can only hope one day they will come around and realize what assholes they're being and change for the better.

It's sad to see mature woman acting like 18 year olds. I've seen one act like that lately and my friends actually said to me. "Maybe she's in denial about herself? She thinks she's not...but she is. Maybe that's why she don't have a guy or maybe that's why she don't have friends." I think they're right.

Sometimes, we have to wake up to reality and think to ourselves. If we have more enemies and friends, what are we really like? If we're at a certain age and the only thing we have is our job and hobby, is that what we really want? Is that all life has to offer us?

I don't know what kind of person I make out to be. But I'm really happy to have all my friends around me. I think that's what life is all about. Doing what makes US happy, being with great friends who you know will always be there for you and never leave you no matter what, having a wonderful family who loves and support you and also having a time of your life.

I know people walk in and out of our lives everyday, but the most important thing to do is to leave a foot trail of memories. Good ones. Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

Unspoken Words

From before, I've never been a person who was good with spoken words. Maybe because I'm a writer and I express my feelings, my emotions and my thoughts through writing. It seems that words flows easier through writing than through my mouth.

I guess because writing it is somewhat more safer. You can delete it or erase it if you don't feel that the sentence is right. But once something is said, it can never be undone. Trust me, I've stuck my foot in my mouth too many times to ever do that agian.

The other day, a friend of mine actually asked me if I was as romantic and daring as all my characters in my fiction or even in my essay. Unfortunately, I had to dissapoint him and say NO. In reality, I hide behind the safety of my unspoken words. My only witness to my true feelings is my pen and paper.

My mind is like a whirlwind. I can be sitting in front of you, listening to you talk and actually sometimes act really blur. But in reality, I'm not as stupid or as blur as I really am. I know what is going on around me, I observe silently, quietly and evaluate situations in my mind. Sneaky? Nope...I'm just careful. I don't like having my whole personality laid out on the table. I don't want people to know me too well.

It's fun sometimes, acting like a 'dumb blonde'. Guys tend to then act more superior. Puff out their chest and sound more confident. They talk as if they know it all...but in fact, they don't. I sometimes have to bite my lips so hard to keep from correcting him or bursting out in laughter.
*Maybe I should try that more often huh?*

It helps sometimes, writing down how you feel. Anger, pain, frustration...all those tend to tumble out onto the paper and then you get the satisfaction of crumpling it into a ball and hurling it into a dustbin. Better yet, tear it into little shreds and watch it scatter in the wind.

There was once, a teacher asked us, if we were to choose to be blind, to be mute and to be deaf, which would you pick. I picked to be mute. Because, I still want to see the wonder of life. To see the honesty in one's eye or to look into the eyes of the guy I like. I don't want to be deaf, because I want to hear my lover's voice and of course, I can never live life without music. But I can deal without a voice. * I think at least alot of people around me can finally get some peace and quiet if I lost my voice *

Like what they say, 'the pen is mightier than the sword'. I truly believe in that. I remember how sometimes I would feel utterly sad and have nobody to talk to or can't tell anyone, I type it all down. Right here, in my blog...and just before I hit the publish button, I delete the entire thing.

It's my therapy. I feel tons better seeing the words dissapear. It's like watching my problems and feelings dissapear along with it.

I wished some of the feelings that's boiling in me is as easy as that. Unfortunately, it isn't. Especially the strongest feeling of all.

I've been also asked, how on earth could I write such a sad love story. How can I protray the pain so real and that my characters feel real. Easy...whenever I write, I imagine my characters as real beings. Someone with real feelings. I put myself in their shoes. How do they feel, what will they feel, why do they feel that way.

Reading my fiction, I guess some readers must've been really surprised to find me a skeptic of love. From my writings, I'm probably seen as someone who's a hopless romantic, waiting for the perfect guy and then goes of to have a perfect life. Oh boy....I guess I've managed to fool everyone huh?

Honestly, I wished that there are times I was brave enough to put the written words into my spoken words. But as I said before, sometimes, words don't come easy and some stuff will always be left unspoken.

Hardly anyone out there really understands me. Heck, I don't understand myself at times. It's true that when it comes to certain things, I don't know what I want. But I do know one thing for sure is that.........unspoken words can be a burden sometimes.

The Real Side of Love.

By now, I'm guessing most of you know that I'm basically a skeptic when it comes to love. But don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't believe in Love...it's more or less...I question its credibility. Of course I know that love do happen to certain individuals. Honestly though...I highly doubt it'll ever happen to a skeptic like me. Maybe it'll take alot to actually prove that it somehow last forever.

Okay...I work in a place where we get TONS of free magazines. So when I've nothing to do, I flip through them and guess what? In at least 90% of those magazines I flip through (women's magazine mind you...) everything is about L.O.V.E!!! For example, "How do you know if he's the one?" or "Is he really into you?" and how about "10 ways to make him happy". COME ON!!! Give me a break here!!! Are we woman really the weaker sex? Why do we have to bite our nails and have guidelines to get a guy to like us? Or to satisfy one?

Flip through any guy's magazines and what does it say? "How to maintain your car" or "How to get your girlfriends off your back and have a guy's night out" and the one that amuses me the most is "How to have a holiday fling and not letting your girlfriend find out."

Honestly, I didn't know wheter I should laugh or just feel insulted by the publishers and editors. We woman seem to be primping ourselves to look younger, more slimmer, beautiful and to say the right things just so we can attract men?!?! And men seem to be taught to lie, cheat and also push us away without hurting our feelings? GOSH....now I wonder why the word 'sexist' exists!

But of course, now I know why some guys are PIGS! Imagine the magazines they read to get information about us girls. No wonder they tend to think that the way to a girl's heart is to drive a flashy car, have a wallet full of money, being dressed with branded clothes and have a mouthfull of flattery! Wake up guys....this is not what girl wants!!! DEFINATELY NOT!!! Unless it's 'those' kind of girls you're looking for.

So you see, can you blame me for being skeptical? I mean, I know there are the handfull of really honest and great men out there. I would like to emphasize on the word 'HANDFULL'. Tell me, what are the chances of a woman fighting about half the other female population from that handfull of great men? Slim to none.

I know...one day I might be eating my words and it'll be hard to swollow. But until then, I really don't see the point of actually falling in love. Like a good friend told me. Study shows that we actually only fall in love for 90 days. After that, it's all about companion sake. If there's a scientific proof...then who are we to question it right?

Nobody is perfect. I'm so sure of that. I guess there's one thing good about love. It blinds you to all imperfections of the other. Denial is sometimes great fun...but waking up from it is not.

I hate to be a wet blanket. But let me just remind you. The butterflies in your tummy, the sweaty palms, the thumping heart and the weak knees....it only last 90 DAYS!!! So what's the point of loving someone when you're only going to feel that way for less than 4 months? Now I know why guys tend to flirt around. Keep the feeling fresh! If your 90 days is up...move on to the next one right? (I know I sound brutal...but it's a fact).

Sigh...I wished I could sometimes just tell the guys I talk to that girl's do not want a hopeless romantic, or a softie. It's just a better way of not calling them a 'wuss'. Yes, we woman want someone who's sweet and nice and caring and loving...but too much of it...it'll just wear us out. In reality, we want someone strong, someone who can give us security, someone who's a man, someone who can make a decision, someone who takes charge, someone who we can look up to and respect!

That is what the magazine's for men should be writing. Something to teach them how to be more humane and less of an ass.