Insomnic Pigglet

GrRrRr...I absolutely hate not being able to sleep!!! Imagine tossing and turning in bed, praying, begging and hoping that sleep will befall you. Unfortunately it doesn't come and you're left lying in bed with eyes wide open. Sure sure...go drink some chamomile tea....bla bla bla....TRUST ME...it doesn't work!!!

Feeling absolutely grumpy now. Really want to bitch. But funny, there doesn't seem to be anything for me to bitch about. HmMmM...maybe there's one. Something about your peers suddenly going around talking about you. Nah...but that really doesn't bother me that much. I'm more or less immune to the flies that buzzes around you. Sooner or later, one by one will be zapped down. So...nah...its no biggie.

HmMmMm....*taps foot*...WHAT TO WRITE!!! Gawd!!! How long does this writer's block going to last? Seriously....I'm lacking any inspiration to write! It's like I sit in front of my pc, write a whole paragraph and just delete it agian and agian and agian. In the end, there's nothing left to read except a blank white screen!!! Infuriating!!! Frustrating....absolutely...dissapointing....*sigh*

Another thing, wonder what's up with me these days. I've tons of assignments due. I've at least one or two assignments due each week. But I just don't feel like doing some stupid, dumb, boring reading log that after the first paragraph either puts you asleep or makes you go *HUH?*. Oh man....I really need to pick myself up and get back on track. My studies.....IMPORTANT!!!!

Nothing is more important than getting through this next few months, graduating and then going out to work!!! NOTHING!!! Not even Kame, Jin and any other hot stuff guys. *okie...i'm lying...* BUT STILL!!!!

But then agian...if there was some hot guy in my class....haha...that would be a whole new thing!!! I'll be so pumped up to go to class, drive half an hour to Uni and just finish up all my assignments so I don't look like a slacker in front of him. AhHh....Dream on...the only guy in my class that's merely worth looking at is Oscar.....others are just plain...*BLeAHhHhHHhh*

Now...since I've nothing to write...let's go to the extreme fantasizing. Imagine being in the same class with Kame and Jin!!!! *faints* Wait....that'll be bad!!! You'll be too busy looking at them....drooling at them....to even concentrate on what the lecturer is saying. BaD iDEA!!!

You know what? I miss Gokusen 2...*cries*...I want to see our favourite Akame duo acting together. But please....no more hitting their faces or even making them cry. My little heart can't take it no more. ahhahaha......man....I want more!!! Honestly....the storyline was a little mundane and monotonous but....hey...eye candy is good!!! It's even better than the first one! Sorry...I don't seem to find anything attractive about Matsumoto Jun...but Oguri Shun and that Hiroki guy....is a different story. Though they're not like...GORGEOUS...but...they've something about them...charisma....that...urm....I can't put my fingers to it.

I mean....imagine a guy....gorgeous looking...but with no personality. Gross...its a bigger turn off than Body Odor! Unless you're looking for a trophy boyfriend to show off. I guess its useless talking to a dumb blonde...MALE VERSION.

For me...maturity and intelligence is a very very attractive to me. But then agian...I'm just sick and tired of looking for guys with good looks. They're good eye candy. But nah....not as a boyfriend. That's why we have idols...they're there for us who loves to look at great looking people but don't intend to go out with them. Do I make any sense here? Doubt so...

My brain is lacking oxygen....think its time to hit the sack. Let's keep our fingers crossed that the sleep fairy will bless me with some shut eye. At least a few hours which will be sufficient for me not to faint or fall asleep behind the wheels when I drive to Uni........It's 4:30 am now....so....I think waking up at about 10 will be sufficient enough....Toodles!!!! Queen of Piggies....oinking out!!!!

Color me Happy....

Oh wow....I've been neglecting my blog for such a long time. HmMMm....well...no excuses for it. I haven't been THAT busy...basically just lazy. Okie fine....no inspiration...or in journalism terms. Writer's block. That's our worst curse. Having nothing to write and just staring at a blank screen for an absolute long time till our eyes goes red.

I've been getting alot of messages from some of you guys checking up on me to find out if I'm still alive. I am I am!!! Don't worry peeps...Amy is up and going or basically most of the time bouncing off the walls high on sugar. Hehheeheh....Thanks for all the sweet emails of courage and support.

Okay...enough of the babbling...let's get started on the post.

I don't know how many people can relate to this. But don't you sometimes wish we can dissapear into our own world and thoughts? A santuary where nobody knows who you are and you're free to be whoever you want to be and also do whatever you want?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm truly a weird person. Is there someone out there who's even a tiny speck like me? Doubt so.

Its sad really...that many people don't really know who they are or what they are. They are molded into a person by their surroundings, influenced by their peers and people they meet. Sooner or later, they loose their own identities. Is that who we really are?

Why do we talk the way we talk? Why do we think the way we think? Why do we dress the way we dress? Isn't that all influences? Who are we really?

Look around your peers. I'm sure you can find similarities and if you look harder, you'll realize you're staring at a mirror of yourself.

We become like these...because we want to be accepted. We want to be one of them. But in the comfort of our own room, where nobody can see us. The masks, the slang, the clothes comes off and we are left to be individuals. That's when we are truly who we are.

Isn't that why most of us have issues with ourselves? That's why we look in the mirror and go. "I'm not pretty enough." , "I'm not thin enough", "I'm not trendy enough" or "I'm lame and I just rather dissapear."

Why do we have to go through all this excruciating emotional abuse just to be accepted in society? Why can't we ever be happy with ourselves? Or vastly satisfied with what God has granted us upon?

You know what? I might be complicated, confused and contradictive. But sadly to say....I'm also one of you. Yes....as much as you try to be an individual. You eventually end up looking like someone, acting like someone. Wheter you like it or not. It just happens. Sad.....really sad....

I know I should be thankful for what I have. But.....maybe one day....I'll find that one person who will see me for who I am. Accept me for who I really am and love me for being ME. I am Amy....nothing more....nothing less.....

Priceless Time

You know what people say about we can never buy time? It's really true...I've noticed lately how time passes by really quickly. One week actually feels like only a few days. One month feels like 2 weeks. A year feels like a few months.

Is it because of the time saving effect or is it really the fact that we're moving to fast for our own good? I don't really know if its a good thing or a bad thing. In some ways, I would love it if time actually slows down and move in a more relax pace. But in others, I want it to fly past so I can get to a certain point as soon as possible.

One example I don't want time to actually move is during this 3 months. Yes....in less than 3 months, I'll be actually graduating and leaving the comfort and carefree student life and into the so called working class society. Am I afriad? Well...yeah I am...but I'm also excited because I can't wait to see what challenges out there is there for me to face.

Why I don't really want to leave Uni....simple. It's definitely not because of my assignments and exams. But its mainly because of my environment and the beautiful and great people I've come to love during my 4 and a half years in LUCCT.

I can honestly say that my days in LUCCT has been and will always be the best days of my life. I've never been happier or contented and if I had a chance to go back, I wouldn't change a single thing. Going to class is like going to one big hangout session. We love sitting in our cafe, sipping our coffee (yes...we have a coffee house in our campus), chat, gossip, bitch at each other and basically have fun. The bond we've created and made during this time is now unbreakable.

I'll definitely miss those time. I know very well I'll get emotional when I graduate. I'm going to miss the ciggie breaks we take in between classes and sit at the emergency exit just talking. I'm going to miss having written conversations in class when our lecturer is busy explaining the concept of media law in front. I'm going to miss taking pictures in class while our lecturer's back is turned. I'm going to miss arguing and standing up for our own rights and prove our lecturer's wrong. I'm going to definitely miss working with Oscar and Liy as a group.

SiGh....I'm going to miss the whole gang. Where we will share our problems over the table, give advices, and sometimes squabble like old married couple which we will forget the very next second. You know you can never find friends like them agian in this lifetime.

We basically grew up together during this four years. From naive high school leavers to mature and more experienced young adults. In our group, we've done our best to bring not only the good and creative out from one another, but also find our true selves from deep within.

You can always count on them when you need an honest remark or answer. They'll tell you if you're fat or if you're thin. If you look like a sick ghost or like a peach. But most of all, you know you're never alone when you find out you boyfriend of 5 years has betrayed you and suddenly you're surrounded by all of them who will skip classes just to sit and give you a hug and also tell you what an asshole he is.

How about the times when we're on our way to college, singing on top of our lungs, teasing each other and laughing at idiotic jokes. I'm definitely going to miss Liy's blonde ways, Oscar's witty and sarcastic remark, Debbie's great immitation of a Latino person, Rachel's "I LIKE OKIE...", Yaw Ren's obssesion with getting muscles and all the other people who surrounds us with their laughter and wonderful aura.

We've always taken these time for granted. Never really appreciating it. Until now...we realized that we've only have this little time left. Sure...we'll still be great friends when we go out and work. But we know for a fact, we'll never be that close agian. We'll make promises to meet up...to hang out...but we know sometimes these promises will be hard to keep. We'll have our own lives to lead now...our own careers and dreams to achieve. We're no more carefree students who can spend time with each other.

We will miss each other....This time....we can never buy back.....