L.O.V.E!!!

HmMm...If most of you have been following or been reading my blog, you will know what a skeptic I am when it comes to love and relationships. But mostly...I'm sitting on the fence, in the middle...as I've stated before, I do not believe that love or relationships last forever but I DO believe that Love exists.

I mean...I've seen it in my friends eyes...and well...I also know that there's this one person who loves me but unfortunately....I can never love him back. Liy saw it in his eyes...while I was just plain oblivious to it.

But now....there's this other one...who claims he loves me and is making it so obvious that its really begining to scare the hell out of me. Its overwhelming and its kind off suffocating.

Maybe because I feel extremely guilty or maybe because I'm not ready to accept him so fast.

If you don't know who or what on earth I'm babbling about, just go back 2 post and you'll get a rough idea. He's back...yup...from Melbourne and he surprised me by dropping at my house with a bunch of flowers.

You know...like Liy said....maybe I'm scared because he's a guy who fit every single criteria of a perfect someone for me. He's good looking, he's got potential to be successful, he's mature, he's humble.....he's everything that I always kind of wanted.

I mean...honestly. I used to just settle you know. Settle with all my ex's when I know for a fact like all my friends like Oscar and Liy pointed out that I can do better. But now...it's all in my face. A guy who's like been made out from the list I've had when I was 21 and I just can't accept him!!!

Liy did say that maybe I'm feeling this way because I love him and the feeling is foreign to me that it scares me. But no....trust me....I just can't afford any distraction anymore. I need to focus!!!

Yup....I'm graduating and am going to move on to have my own career. I'm only 22...I can't settle down just yet. Not especially when I've not fulfill my dreams and goals yet. As I've said before, my life...my friends and family is the most important to me right now. Love and guys...they just have to take the backseat at the moment.

But how am I going to continue to run away or reject him when he understands all this and all he says is..."I'll wait....no matter how long it takes....I'll wait and I'll help you fulfill your dreams...."

ManNNnNn....it's like pressuring me!!!

How long can I put him off anyway? I kept on telling him...give me time...give me time....but I can see that he's getting impatient.

Should I run away? Should I....ignore him? Should I....tell him that I've suddenly turn lesbian and my lover is Liy and I'll never like him? HAHAHHA....okei okie...the last idea is screwed....

Keith said that I shouldn't be with him because I pity him and should pick him instead. *rolls eyes* That guy should really stop flirting with anything that wears a skirt.

I did what a good friend adviced me to do. Made a list. Yup...I made a list of why I should and should not be with him...but the idea blew up in my face when I had more Should than shouldn't.

Its funny how....someone pointed out that he was actually 100 times better than any of my ex's all rolled into one. In other words....he would probably the best choice I've ever made in my entire dating career. But...maybe...just maybe...I'm attracted to imperfection...ahahah...or just plain dodgy and psychotic people like Liy and Oscar pointed out yesterday.

Yupp...Amy...she picks up charity cases and place them under her little wing....*ugh...they really do have a way of slapping me in the face* Then....those questions like...did you really like them? Did you really want to be with them? Why were you with them? Why did you choose them? Why why why?

AiyOhH...I DON'T KNOW!!! Maybe in my past life I owe them some shit and have to repay them this life. Give me a break...people make mistakes. I know I've some really bad choices in guys....but if only they saw the good in them...

Anyway, back to my current issue. I don't even see it as a problem or a dilema anymore....I see it as an issue that I need to solve before it becomes a problem.

I'm too soft I guess....But...seriously. Right now....my only focus is building myself, loving my friends and family and also working towards my lifelong dreams. He....will just have to wait.