In ThE mINd Of A BorEd-Ess (bORed+ Goddes)

Holidays are finally here. A week that is...and I thought to myself. "FINALLY! I can catch up on my rest and things i want to do."

I was wrong. I'm still bogged down with assignments and exams. Gosh. I just want this term to be over!!!! But then agian, when I'm at home, I wished I was going off to class the next day. Not to study or listen to the lecturer's talk about nonsensical issues that we pay them too, but to be with my darling friends who are like the sunshines in my life.

I'm only 21, and life has come to this? Total boredom? Nothing to do? Nothing to look forward too? OH NO!!! This isn't good....nope...it ain't good at all. I should be driven to do something, to be hyper or something. Not feel totally drained and stressed out! I feel as if i was 40 instead of 21.

Lately, I think all the work load and lack of sleep has gotten to me. My body doesn't feel as if it's mine anymore. I'm numb all over. I NEED A MASSAGE!!! GeEeZzEEe..I need more than a massage....I need a holiday! I need to get out of Malaysia. Maybe I should head down to Singapore eh? Yeah...maybe that's what I should do during Christmas. Spend some time with my long lost friends there.

Okay...the thing is, when I'm bored, my mind begin to do weird and crazy stuff. I begin to question myself. But before you go getting the wrong idea, I'm not crazy neither am I a depressive maniac.

It's just that, life in whole fascinates me. Especially us, human beings. They are such...complex creatures yet...sometimes so simple, its like reading a book.

So, there I was, sitting in a cafe, sipping my chamomile tea to soothe me and typing away on my notebook, trying to unclutter my brian. Then at one point, I looked up to get some inspiration.

What do I see? A guy digging his nose thinking he was doing it discreetly...but hey! I saw it!!! Then a woman in her 40's probably, with a pear shaped body and was wearing this ultra mini shorts started to scratch her hass.

Yes, I almost chocked on my tea to burst out laughing. The thing people do when they think nobody is watching. *ShaKeS hEaD*.

Then of course, there's your usual lovey dovey couple, who hooked onto like jelly fished unable to seperate. To be young and to be in love....isn't that a wonderful thing?

I've not given up on love. I think it's something to look forward too. To meet the guy who makes you all weird and I don't know...anxious? Then to miss him when you don't see him or talk to him. To look forward with spending time with him. Then of course....you want to do everything for him. To take care of him, to be there for him, to hold him when he's down and to smile and laugh with him when he's happy.

Gosh....I can't wait to find the next person who I'll give my heart too agian. But hey....when it comes, it comes. When it doesn't....then let it be. I'm not someone who goes looking desperately for a guy. I believe in fate.

Maybe I should stop sounding like some Karma junkie. But that's me. I don't like to let the past hold me down, stop me from loving agian. You learn from the past and then you move on. You embrace what had happened and then you don't turn around agian.

Hurt and pain is inevitable. But it'll definately make you stronger and wiser. That's good you know...for your next relationship. Then you'll know how to handle things better. Learn how to appreciate him or her more and not repeat the same mistake you've done in the past.

I guess in some ways, I'm really lucky to get my life back. I'm only 21 and my life has only just begun.

Like I was at my cousin's place the other day, lounging on her terribly comfy sofa as we sipped our apple juice, we started to talk about life and love in whole.

When she was younger, she went out with this guy for 9 years. She was so blindly in love with him, she didn't listen to what others said. Didn't believe he was two-timing her. She patiently waited for him with hopes to marry him one day. But because she was always flying (air-stewerdess), only her friends and family knew what kind of bastard Noelle really was.

True enough, when she hit 29, he dumped her for another girl. Or rather she found out about it. Imagine, 9 years with a guy, your entire youth given to him, only for him to destroy it in a matter of seconds.

Where is he now? Married to the woman he cheated on and has 2 kids now. My cousin? Well...I wasn't born yet when that incident happen. But as far as i could remember, she's been dating men from all over the world. Now, she's found one stable one who i really approve off. But they've no intention of getting married what-so-ever due to racial issues.

I told her, you're 45 and I'm 21. I haven't gone through as much or have experienced as much as you did. But i know somehow, you're holding on to the past. That's why your relationships doesn't work out. Because you're afraid.

I can't be afriad anymore. No relationships are guaranteed. Heck...if it came with a guarantee card, I would've asked for an exchange a long time ago. But no. Life and love is like that. Problems will always be there to bug you. Either you face it or don't. I choose to face it.

Running away isn't excatly the best solution. Maybe denial is?But if you can turn every unhappy thing into something positive...wouldn't live be much more brighter? The road and path you choose more clearer?

Goshh..I really did a whole load of rambling crap in one session. Maybe its the tea....Yes...it's definately the tea!!!