A Black Viel.

For the past 5 years, a black viel covered my eyes, my thoughts and my mind. I only saw the world he painted for me to see, lived in the world he built for me and only listened to his voice who commanded me.

I was in fact, a puppet who never saw the light and the reality of the real world.

It wasn't until recently, that black viel was pulled away by all my supportive friends, knocking senses into my head and also trying to undo the damage he had done with my mind.

They showed me that there's more to life than only the one I was made to see. They made me realized he had been manupilative and cunning all these while. They made me see that all the time I've been protecting him was actually a sort of reassurance to my phatetic little self.

Little by litte, I realized how malicious and poisonous he was. How many times have he lied to me? How many times has he cheated on me? How many times must I fall into his trap?

Not anymore. That viel has been removed. I can see now and am no longer blinded by his sweet words and hypocritical ways.

I'm glad....I'm happy...that I'm out of this abusive relationship.

I was made to wonder last night, how I really felt about him? I came to one conclusion. I stopped loving or being in love with him almost a year ago. That is why I don't hurt as much as I did before. In fact....I never felt freer and lighter in my whole entire life.

Do I regret ever being with him? Honestly, No. I see things in a very simple way. We did have our good time after all and we did at one point loved each other.

I believe that there's a reason to everything you do and everyone you meet. He was probably one of the person who stumbled into my life to teach me something.

I guess....being sad is inevitable but once I'm over being sad, I know for a fact that I'll be stronger and wiser.

Last night, Debbie, Rachel, Oscar, Kevin and I sat in Starbucks from 10 pm till 3 pm...talking basically about life and everything under the sun, moon and stars.

As I sat there, listening to my friends chatter, I realized how lucky I am to be sitting there with these group of people who are willing to help me during this rough patch of my life.

What will I ever do without them? I really don't know....I might not be as strong as I am right now. I don't feel as lonely anymore. Because I know, they are actually only a phone call away.

How can I be so stupid to let him poison my mind? Making me shun these wonderful people away? Making me believe that they're there to backstab me when in fact it was he who did all the shit?

They made me realize how insecure he was and how controlling he is. I pity him. I really do...that's why I can't hate him.

I realize now, he's just this boy...who is so insecure of his own self and is so lost in his own world, he needs someone to control, to make him feel superior, to make him feel good about himself. Is that why he does not own a proper job? Is that why he mixes with friends who are younger and more naive than he is so that they look up to him like a God?

The answer, Yes. That is why....I really pity him. As a human, I can definately say...he's a failure...and if one would look deeper and not allow him to hypnotize your mind...then one would know...he isn't as confident and as smart as he makes it look.

I decided yesterday, that this chapter of my life has ended. What is to come? I don't know. Would it be better? Let's hope so.

For I know I've moved on...I've let go...because yesterday, I laughed for the first time in 5 years...and it felt good.